The Eye of the Storm - Abraham

I'm having a little trouble sleeping. I'm really tired but I'm having weird dreams (I'll spare you the details though some of them lately have been very entertaining - I think Night at the Museum made entirely too big an impression on my subconscious) and of course they wake me up and that lets my mind turn back to things that it wants to dwell on. This is about the third time that I've woken up tonight so I'm breaking the pattern. I'm going to scribble this out quickly and see if I can go back to sleep.

I've been thinking a lot about Abraham. Mostly making comparisons - see I have realized that if I had been Abraham that scene on the mountain with Isaac might have had a much different outcome. (Short pause here as I suddenly realize the value of hot chocolate before continuing.) So anyway - that got me to thinking. There are many clues to Abraham's imperfections in the bible but still we tend to gloss over all of that and assume that he did everything that God told him to do right away like he had some kind of inhuman quality, some perfection that made him able to just respond to God's every command without reservation. I don't think it was like that. We know too much about Abraham and his decision-making to think so. And we also know that only Christ was able to respond to God like that.

So here's what I think.

For some events and characters in the bible God goes into great detail yet other times he is sparing with his paintbrush. There are times that if he gave us too many little details we'd get lost in those and never see the big picture, the central themes. So I think that God leaves out stuff that will obscure his point. Do you imagine that Abraham just went along with God's command to sacrifice Isaac right away ? I don't see it. That would be inhuman and Abraham was very human. He did know God but don't you think it was just as much of a struggle for him to obey God that it is for us ? God doesn't choose to detail his struggle - he only paints the outcome.

But I think that Abraham's decision had to have been the culmination of a huge struggle within himself because to do what God was asking him to do was earth-shattering for him ... it was not a simple decision, it had to have touched every fear and insecurity he had and what consequences it would have had - can you imagine having to face Sarah after that ? Sarah was the love of his life - he made some stupid decisions relating to Ishmael to appease her so we know he wasn't immune to normal emotions. Abraham was not painted boldly as an emotional person so we'd pick up on it but we can see that he was if we look at the whole picture. The decisions to take his father along, to stop in Haran, to ask Sarai to lie to protect him, to try to keep Lot with him long after they should have separated, to give in to Sarai ... over and over we see hints of his humanity and imperfections. (That's one thing about Beth Moore's Patriarchs study - it made these characters more real to me. I see them differently than I used to - they are more 3 dimensional, not flat and impossibly perfect.) 

I don't think that Abraham was this larger than life figure who did everything God told him to without wavering, without argument, without doubt and with perfection. I think that he struggled with God's requests just like we do - it's just that God usually reported the outcome to us not the struggles. Other times, God reported the struggles as in the stories of Jacob and David and Jonah. But for those moments, the struggles were the point. My point here, is that we don't really know what emotions filled Abraham's heart and mind as he moved to obey - we only know that he did.

Sometimes in my life, obedience has been easy. I've told you about moments when I heard what God said for me to do and I just did it. Other times obedience comes with a lot of kicking and screaming and pouting and even anger and resignation and sometimes great fear. I imagine God likes it better when obedience comes the easy way but like any parent he still prefers hard-won obedience over disobedience knowing that some time down the road we'll come to understand and see it his way. It's part of the human condition. He demonstrates great patience with us but once in awhile he just drops us on our head when we are too stubborn. The struggles we have are part of the refinement process - without it, there would be no precious metals, no silver, no gold.

If we are Christians, our struggles all have a certain pattern because God is always at the center. We can only get so far away because we are anchored to that center point and so while we may struggle to the full extent, our struggle is defined by a circle and we won't go beyond it. Ultimately, we must make the right choice because we can't let go of God - or rather, he won't let go of us when we are his. Like Jonah, you can run but you can't hide and life in the belly of a whale is not more comfortable than the discomfort of unwilling obedience.

God has been teaching me that sometimes his purposes are greater than mine and that the world does not revolve around me the way I want it to.

Sometimes life is not fair and he intends it that way. Sometimes the choice is not so much about the outcome as it is about the struggle - will you or will you not choose God's purpose over your own ? Will you or will you not trust what God says ? Will you or will you not suffer a little now for greater gain later ? Will you or will you not be satisfied with what God gives you ? Will you or will you not trust that God is for you and not against you ? Will you or will you not choose obedience even when you don't want to ?

Life is a series of tests and each test involves a struggle of some kind. Those struggles are the forging of our character, bringing gold and silver out of dross. There is a story about an apprentice silversmith who asked his master how that he could tell when the metal was refined enough. He was told that it was not perfect until the metal reflected an image like the surface of a mirror. We are that metal, we are that mirror and God is the refiner looking for his image.
Sometimes I get just plain worn out with struggling. Sometimes I just want to stop where I am. Sometimes I do not think there is any silver or gold to be found in me but there must be somewhere because God keeps applying the heat.